In school I was known as that one really friendly girl. They also labeled me the overly sensitive girl as they saw my trembling body cower in insecurity and fear anytime I was looked at for too long. Anxiety exploded out of me like a violent volcanic eruption when the teacher called on me to read aloud in the class. Despite my tremendous efforts to hold this strong sense of shame I held internally towards my mere existence, my body betrayed me as it displayed this shame theatrically to the rest of the world like an experienced ventriloquist act. My shame controlling every single move I made as if to tell me that he was my puppet master. But because I was weak, I mean friendly, the kids at school claimed to protect me. No one was outwardly rude to me, or even made fun of what they called my “quirks.” This so-called protection built walls as tall as magical beanstalks between me and the rest of my tiny world that was my high school. As I remained isolated on what appeared to be the wrong side of the world, I had no other choice but to climb up this organic tower. So up and up I climbed. I climbed with a strong sense of determination until I finally reached the top. Here I found a vast array of fluffy clouds that looked cozy enough to slumber upon. My original intention was to climb down the other side of this magical beanstalk in order to free myself from my sentence served in solitude. But by now I realize the weight of my exhausted body can’t help but lure me to the bed of clouds that lay before me, as if I were once again controlled by my puppet master. Here I lay comforted by my seclusion, as I have grown so accustomed to it. My eyes flutter themselves shut and my spinning mind quiets itself as my body falls deeper and deeper into this eternal slumber. In this place I feel safe for the first time in my life as I lay here resting. I dream of these people that lived in my tiny world finally acknowledging my authentic self, my truest existence. A slight smile spreads across my face like a thick layer of peanut butter on my morning waffles. And I sleep. I sleep and sleep. I do not wake up, for I am finally safe. -KN
