Soul Researcher

The people in my life sink like ink deep into my skin. 
I’m never the same after an interaction, no matter how small and perceived insignificant. 
You can see the impact so superficially on me. 
No point in trying to mask the marks.
Some marks are sharp and aggressive while others you can tell take their time with their legacy left. 
Their lines appear smooth and intentional on my skin. 
I can trace them all the way back to their origin and reminisce as I follow along on the journey we took together in time’s past. 

Through the gentle yet unavoidable ups and downs…
Along my edges that have grown softer since the original visit…
Over my scars that no longer feel to me like an isolating memory…

There are no meaningless mistakes, just cohesive thought and action behind each mark left.

There are times when the heft of who is no longer in my life begins to weigh heavier and heavier, 
causing my soul to wince and wither in the grief, 
in the wondering. 

“I must have fucked up…” 

“…or maybe I just didn’t do enough.” 

“This is why I avoid connection. Why do I keep fucking trying?”

I have learned to recognize the reality of life. 
That we live in a world of coexisting energies. 
Swirling spirits playing dress up in varying forms; 
mother, child, teacher, student, wind, stars, trees, bees…
Energy is constantly moving where attention is required, 
where there is necessary work to be done. 

I know now that we are all shifting to where our soul work is leading us. 
I don’t take the absence in attention personally anymore. 
I look in the mirror and am relieved to see all of whom that I’ve ever loved in my present reflection. 
I wouldn’t be who I am today without their artistic manipulations. 

-KN